Just
last month I had written about Toxic relationship, that my daughter is in and
now that relationship it has taken a turn for the worse. So I tried to read up
everything about woman abuse I can find on the internet and was shocked to know
that one in three women have been a victim of abuse in India. I have penned few
pointers that i read on various articles with the hope it might help some abused
woman who chances to read this post.
Domestic
violence against women in India is a worrying factor and nearly 33% of the
women population have been abused physically or emotionally. The percentage may
be even higher as many of the cases do not get reported for the fear of being
shunned from the society and peers and women keep continuing in this abusive
relationship. The term domestic violence is coined for abuse generally by
husband or relatives but then women get abused by unrelated persons at place of
study/work and this abuse may not be physical instead but verbal and emotional
abuse. I have been regularly hearing my maid of her physical and mental abuse by
her husband and also have seen the life my sister has gone through while her
husband was alive... it is quite scaring
Women may think that they are not being abused if not being physically beaten but its untrue for abuse can be verbal as well as emotional .This often leads to physical abuse later in life. Emotional and verbal abuse have long-time consequences such as depressions and is just as serious as physical abuse.
A person can know if they are being abused if you have experienced the following
- · Extreme jealousy and accusing you of cheating
- · Isolating behaviour –Prevents you from seeing your friends or family
- · Controlling behaviour – What you wear, whom you see and what you do
- Tries to prevent you from going to work or college or friends place.
- · Calling or texting continuously when you are not there around
- · Gets angry in a way it is frightening to you
- · Threatens to hurt you or your loved ones
- · Threatens to harm themselves when upset with you.
- · Control your finances and how you spend them
- · Calls you insulting names and humiliates you in front of others
- · Says “If i can’t have you then no one can”
Emotional and verbal abuse
may begin suddenly. Some abusers may start out behaving normally and then begin
abuse after a relationship is established. Some abusers may purposefully give a
lot of love and attention, including compliments and requests to see you often,
in the beginning of a relationship. Often, the abuser tries to make the other
person feel strongly bonded to them, as though it is just the two of them
“against the world.”
Women often overlook the
above signs thinking that they would be able to change the person once they are
married but sadly they fail miserably since you can only change someone only if
they want to change. Trying to change or rescue is a lost battle .So it is
better to change oneself and leave such relationship however hard it is to have
a better life in future and to avoid lifelong pains.
If you are in an abusive
relationship, you may think that there is no way out and staying in that
relationship can be far worse than that of leaving the relationship. Remaining
in a toxic and abusive relationship can put your life and that of your loved
ones at a risk as the abuser would take out their anger on you or the loved
ones. This could become violent in addition to plethora of emotional
consequences leading to depressions and suicidal tendencies.
- · People treat you how you allow yourself to be treated.
- · Never live in a false hope of things will get better later.
- · Don’t look for people to save you from your abuser
- · No one can help you if you are not willing to help yourself
- · Only you can take necessary actions on your own behalf
An abusive partner regularly
reinforces the idea that you cannot escape the relationship and you would not a
life without them in it. They do that to ensure that you believe their
statement and this way maintain a control over you. Abusers
are expert manipulators with a knack for getting you to believe that the way
you are being treated is your fault. They know that everyone has insecurities,
and they use those insecurities against you to the full extent.
Abusive
relationships often have these intense moments of feeling good and sincere
apologies or attempts to make up for the bad behaviour. This in turn makes you
to clings to hope that all will be well when these moments occur and the abuser
knows this and is playing with your emotions.
The
only way you can escape from these relationship is to getaway totally from the
partner and sever all ties to the person and I am sure that you that in a
period of time you will get over this person. You will be making the right
decision to have a better life for yourself and your loved ones … no looking
back so move out of the toxic relationship now..
All
the very best for a happy new life and please ensure that you are treated well
in your future relationship. God bless
