Relationships – A Choice We Make

 

Image Credits Google Images

I know I may be writing what some would dismiss as "crap," but then it is my crap. Sometimes putting thoughts on paper is the best way to release the tension that builds up in the mind. This isn't about lovers or mistresses; it is about the everyday relationships we share with family, friends, colleagues, and the people around us.

Have you ever tried to help someone with the best of intentions, only to have things not work out and then find yourself being blamed for the failure? I am sure this is not uncommon. The person who genuinely tries to help often ends up feeling hurt and misunderstood.

This has happened to me many times over the years. I could probably write a book recounting such incidents, but that would take far too long! Slowly, I have reached the conclusion that one has to be very careful before stepping in to help relatives or friends. Good intentions do not always translate into good outcomes, and misunderstandings can easily strain relationships. Despite these experiences, I still try to be kind because I would rather preserve a relationship than win an argument.

Looking back, I feel there are a few major factors that affect relationships, and each of us may have our own experiences and opinions about them.

Money is undoubtedly one of the biggest reasons relationships fall apart. That is true in real life, though not always in reel life, where everything is wrapped up with a happy ending! One principle I have always followed is to avoid financial transactions with relatives and close friends as far as possible. Thankfully, this approach has helped me avoid major conflicts, though there have been the occasional grumblings. So far, I think I have managed reasonably well.

Ego is another relationship spoiler. It is particularly visible in workplaces where teamwork is essential. A single individual with an inflated ego can demoralize an entire team and reduce its effectiveness. Some people justify such behavior because of seniority, qualifications, or position, but the impact on others remains the same. I usually tread carefully in such situations, choosing to defuse conflicts rather than escalate them. Unfortunately, if someone consistently lets ego dominate their behavior, sometimes the only practical solution is to distance yourself.

A friend once pointed out another important factor, and I completely agree—expectations.

Expectations often become the silent destroyers of relationships, whether between friends, family members, partners, or even within organizations. When expectations become unrealistically high, disappointment is almost inevitable. The resulting hurt can slowly replace trust with resentment. I have witnessed this both within my own family and in professional life, and the emotional pain it creates can be immense.

Perhaps the secret is to expect less and appreciate more. When kindness, help, or affection comes without expectation, the joy experienced is often far greater. Unexpected acts of goodness have a way of touching our hearts more deeply than those we believe are owed to us.

We all have choices. We can choose to spend time with friends, relatives, partners, and even pets who enrich our lives. More importantly, relationships need constant nurturing—with attention, understanding, patience, and thoughtfulness. We cannot rewrite the mistakes of the past or change the behaviour of others, but we can choose how we respond today.

If we care for our relationships, we may be rewarded with flowers in full bloom. But if we constantly choose confrontation, suspicion, and resentment, we should not be surprised if all that remains is a withered garden.

The choice, as always, is ours.

Choose to nurture your relationships, cherish the people who matter, and you will almost certainly become a happier and better human being.

 

 

 

 

Tea Kadai Conversations Episode 18- Tea, Family, Friends and Community Life at Ashiana Shubham

 

The little tea kadai within our gated community has suddenly become a much busier place over the past couple of weeks. With the holiday season in full swing, many residents have been welcoming relatives from Chennai, other parts of India and even from abroad. Naturally, almost every visitor is introduced to what has now become one of the landmarks of our community—the humble tea shop.

Our ever-smiling tea master, Guru, has been having a rather hectic time. Being the sole person managing the shop, he barely gets a moment to catch his breath as he keeps preparing ginger tea, masala tea, lemon tea, filter coffee and snacks in an endless relay. Watching him work is like watching a one-man orchestra, except that instead of musical instruments, he is juggling kettles, tumblers and snack packets!

Our own group of regulars has become a little smaller for the time being. One of our friends has left for Delhi and is expected to be away for three or four months. These days, it is mostly Dr. Mohandas and me who occupy our usual benches around 4.30 in the evening for an hour or so, while the others drift in and out whenever they find the time. The attached photograph, taken today, captures the cheerful crowd milling around the tea shop, proving once again that good tea has an irresistible magnetic pull.

Yesterday, an Indian lady who is married to a French national visited the tea kadai for the second consecutive day while spending time with her parents in Phase 2. Having travelled all the way from France, she declared herself quite taken in by Guru's ginger lemon tea. It appears that our little tea shop now has international admirers and perhaps deserves a place on Chennai's unofficial tourist map!

Adding to the festive atmosphere, another resident arrived with his two daughters, his niece, daughter-in-law and no fewer than five energetic grandchildren. Within minutes, the peaceful tea shop transformed into a lively playground filled with laughter, excited chatter and children running about. Guru handled the cheerful chaos with remarkable composure as he somehow managed to keep everyone's tea cups full while serving snacks to the entire group.

A couple of days earlier, the Annual General Body Meeting of the Shubham Residents Welfare Association (SRWA) was held in the clubhouse. More than 150 resident members attended the meeting. The Managing Committee presented a detailed report of the developmental works completed during the previous year and outlined several projects planned for the coming year. A few important resolutions were also passed by the members. Perhaps the most pleasing aspect of the meeting was that it concluded smoothly and peacefully. Considering that resident association meetings are often known for spirited debates—and occasionally for a determined opposition eager to raise every conceivable issue—the orderly conduct of this AGM was both refreshing and commendable.

On the personal front, there has been another happy development. My younger daughter has arrived from Canada to spend a couple of weeks with us in Chennai. She had often heard me speak about the tea kadai and the wonderful group of friends I meet there every evening. Naturally, she wanted to see the place and meet the regulars who have become such an important part of my daily routine.

Unfortunately, Dr. Mohandas and Senthil could not make it that evening as they were attending the month-end gathering organised by Ashiana Shubham. Nevertheless, we met Dr. Mohandas later in the beautiful OSR Garden, where he kindly clicked a few lovely photographs of my wife, my daughter and me.

Life in a senior living community is often imagined to be slow and uneventful. Yet, every passing day at Ashiana Shubham tells a different story. A bustling tea shop, visiting families from across the globe, community meetings, children's laughter and precious moments with loved ones all blend together to create memories that are simple, heart-warming and deeply fulfilling. Sometimes, all it takes is a cup of tea to remind us that the richest moments in life are shared in the company of good people.

 

Tea Kadai Closed, Friendship Open

 

Our campus tea shop has recently started a WhatsApp group where the daily menu is posted along with the all-important announcement of whether the shop will be open or closed. On 17th June, the message was loud and clear: "Shop Closed Today."

Now, one would assume that this would discourage customers from visiting. Clearly, the management underestimated the determination of six seasoned regulars! As if responding to a call of duty, we turned up at the usual spot and occupied the benches in front of the firmly shuttered shop.

 

There we sat for a couple of hours, without tea, without snacks, and without any intention of leaving. Passers-by must have wondered whether we were staging a silent protest or waiting for a grand reopening. In reality, we were simply enjoying each other's company, discussing everything from world affairs to whose memory was failing the fastest.

The gathering proved that while tea may have brought us together initially, friendship is what keeps us coming back. The shop was closed, but the conversations were open, the laughter flowed freely, and the companionship was as refreshing as any cup of tea. Sometimes, the best item on the menu is togetherness and fortunately, that was available in unlimited quantities here at Ashiana Shubham Senior Living at Maraimalainagar, Chennai